Tolerating Uncertainty: How It Fuels Imposter Syndrome and Anxiety in Work, Love, and Life
- meaganyarmey
- May 30
- 4 min read
By Meagan Yarmey PhD, MA, MSW, RSW
Have you ever hesitated before submitting a job application, updating your résumé, or stepping into a dating scenario? You’re not alone. Beneath these everyday experiences often lurks a powerful, invisible driver: tolerating uncertainty. This challenge triggers a cascade of “what if” thoughts and self-doubt, making it harder to take authentic action and maintain self-confidence. Whether you’re preparing for an interview, networking, or navigating the dating scene, tolerating uncertainty is essential to personal growth—and yet it often fuels anxiety and imposter syndrome instead.
In my psychotherapy practice, I see this pattern repeatedly in high-achieving professionals and diverse clients. The discomfort of “What if I fail? What if they see I’m not good enough?” ignites a mental tug-of-war. This anxiety manifests as imposter syndrome, perfectionism, or over- and under-doing—all attempts to control or avoid the unknown.
The Social Psychological Lens: Self-Awareness and Authenticity
From a social psychological perspective, this struggle centers on self-awareness and authenticity. Social psychologist Mark Leary’s “self-presentation” theory highlights the constant balancing act between authenticity and meeting social expectations (Leary & Kowalski, 1990). Tolerating uncertainty makes this tension even more challenging: Will I be accepted if I reveal my true self? Or do I need to perform flawlessly to gain approval?
Authenticity requires the courage to embrace your own thoughts and feelings—even when they’re messy or imperfect. Yet the discomfort of uncertainty often sparks self-protective behaviors—procrastination, over-preparation, or avoidance—that sabotage connection and growth. Brené Brown (2012) calls this “letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.”
Imposter Syndrome: The Perfect Storm of Self-Doubt and Uncertainty
Imposter syndrome—feeling like a fraud despite evidence of success—feeds on the fear of uncertainty. Research shows that up to 70% of professionals experience imposter feelings at some point (Clance & Imes, 1978). Psychologist Valerie Young (2011) describes types like The Perfectionist, The Expert, and The Soloist, each responding to uncertainty in different ways.
The Perfectionist tries to control uncertainty through unattainable standards but ends up feeling chronically inadequate. The Soloist avoids asking for help, fearing that it will reveal incompetence. These coping styles attempt to manage the discomfort of uncertainty but often backfire, reinforcing self-doubt and isolation.
Neuroscience research distinguishes between Type 1 worry (immediate, reactive anxiety) and Type 2 worry (reflective, rumination-based worry) (Borkovec et al., 2004). When tolerating uncertainty feels impossible, both types of worry can spiral—driving avoidance and reinforcing the cycle of imposter syndrome and anxiety.
A Personal Example: Tolerating Uncertainty in Teaching
When I began teaching after earning my PhD, I faced a steep learning curve in tolerating uncertainty. I still remember stepping into a cavernous lecture hall to teach an Introductory Psychology course—600 faces staring back at me, waiting for answers. The fear of uncertainty—What if I mess up? What if they think I’m too young or unqualified?—tightened my chest.
Even later, teaching Research Methods and SPSS or a graduate-level course in Adolescent Development to PhD students who were only a few years younger than me, I still wrestled with the discomfort of not knowing every answer or anticipating every challenge. But those moments taught me that tolerating uncertainty—naming it and leaning into it—was essential for authentic teaching. It was a real-time lesson in self-awareness, psychological flexibility, and the importance of embracing the messiness of growth.
Beyond Job Boards: Where This Shows Up
The challenge of tolerating uncertainty is not limited to job boards, résumés, or interviews. It affects nearly every domain of life that involves evaluation and connection:
Job interviews and networking: Fear of judgment fuels over-preparation or avoidance.
Dating and social relationships: Anxiety about vulnerability and rejection triggers imposter feelings.
Creative and leadership roles: Perfectionistic overwork or silence stifles innovation.
Public speaking and teamwork: Fear of not knowing the “right” answer leads to procrastination or withdrawal.
Each of these situations highlights the challenge—and the opportunity—of tolerating uncertainty to build resilience and authentic growth.
Practical Strategies: Fear-Setting and WOOP
How can we strengthen our ability to tolerate uncertainty? Two science-based tools can help:
Fear-Setting: Popularized by Tim Ferriss (2017), this exercise involves naming the worst-case scenario, identifying steps to prevent it, and planning how to repair it. This breaks the power of vague “what if” thinking by shining a light on it.
WOOP (Wish, Outcome, Obstacle, Plan): Developed by psychologist Gabriele Oettingen (2014), WOOP helps clarify goals, anticipate barriers—including fear—and create actionable steps. This structured approach has been shown to boost motivation and self-regulation.
Both strategies address the “what if” spiral of Type 2 worry, helping you build psychological flexibility and resilience.
Why Your Inner Critic Isn’t the Final Word
Remember: tolerating uncertainty is a shared human challenge. Naming your inner critic—some call it “Karen” or “Jason”—can help you see it for what it is: a voice trying to protect you from the unknown. Psychological distancing weakens its power (Harvard Health Publishing, 2018).
If you find yourself stuck in overwork, avoidance, or self-doubt, know that these are natural responses to uncertainty—and they’re treatable. With evidence-based psychotherapy, including CBT and mindfulness practices, you can cultivate resilience, authenticity, and self-trust.
Ready to break free from the cycle of self-doubt and overthinking? Let’s work together to build your capacity for tolerating uncertainty so you can move forward with confidence. Reach out today to schedule a consultation or learn more about how I can help.
I’m Meagan Yarmey, PhD, MA, MSW, RSW—a social psychologist and registered clinical social worker. With extensive experience teaching at the university level, leading clinical supervision, and helping high-achieving professionals overcome imposter syndrome and perfectionism, I bring a unique blend of academic insight and practical tools to help you thrive.
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