The Power of Mattering: Why Connection and Vulnerability Are Essential for High-Achieving Professionals

Dr. Meagan Yarmey, PhD, MA, MSW, RSW

Psychotherapist | Social Psychologist

Cultivating Connections: Embracing the Interwoven Tapestry of Self and Others

You’ve got the career, the accolades, the lifestyle. But somewhere underneath all those achievements, you might be feeling... unseen. Maybe it’s not so much about what you’ve done—but more about feeling like you matter. This isn’t about ego—it’s about your well-being. So let’s dive into why mattering is critical, and how it all connects to your mental health, relationships, and self-identity.

Why Feeling Like You Matter is Essential

You know that feeling when you’re in a meeting, putting in the work, and suddenly you catch yourself thinking, “Does anyone actually notice what I’m doing here?” It's uncomfortable. We don’t just want to be seen; we want to feel that what we do counts. Mattering is tied to a fundamental need for belonging and purpose. Research shows that Sarason's psychological sense of community—the feeling that we belong and have a meaningful role—is tied to our mental health. Without it, we start questioning our worth and isolating ourselves.

For many high achievers, this sense of invisibility creeps in when you're juggling it all—career, personal life, and a never-ending to-do list. But if you don’t feel that you matter—if there’s no acknowledgment or meaningful connection—things begin to unravel.

Vulnerability: The Secret to Authentic Connection

Let’s face it, vulnerability doesn’t come naturally when you’ve been taught to excel at all costs. High performers are wired to succeed, keep up appearances, and get results. But guess what? Real growth and connection happen when we let go of that perfect facade and show up as we really are—flaws, doubts, and all.

Being vulnerable doesn’t mean you're weak; it means you’re human. But you’re not just letting your guard down for anyone. Vulnerability is a tool for creating real relationships—those where you can breathe and be yourself. When you let yourself be seen, you’re giving others the chance to connect with the real you. And that’s where the magic happens.

The Fear of Vulnerability: It’s More Common Than You Think

Let’s talk about that voice in your head that says, “Don’t show weakness.” It’s a voice rooted in fear—the fear of being judged, rejected, or seen as less than perfect. If you’ve spent years building a successful career, showing any sign of weakness can feel like the ultimate risk.

But here’s the catch: the fear of vulnerability is usually a sign of insecurity, not a reflection of who you truly are. In fact, embracing vulnerability is often the catalyst for personal growth. When you allow yourself to be vulnerable, you’re giving yourself permission to experience connection—not just with others, but with yourself.

Connection: Quality Over Quantity

This is where it gets interesting: you don’t need a huge network to feel seen. What matters is quality. You need relationships where you feel safe to be your true self. Those few meaningful connections—whether in your personal life or at work—are what will sustain you, especially during those inevitable challenging moments.

And then there's the relationship with yourself. That’s where it all begins. When you get comfortable in your own skin and accept yourself fully, that confidence spills over into every other relationship you have. This is self-awareness at its finest—where you don’t need external validation to know your worth.

Why Mattering and Connection Are Especially Important for Mid-Life Professionals

By the time you hit mid-life, you might start feeling like you’ve achieved a lot—and yet, something’s missing. Maybe it’s not the accolades. It’s the sense of mattering. As professionals with years of experience, you’ve likely hit the career milestones. But somewhere along the way, you may have lost touch with why you started in the first place.

Here’s the thing: mattering doesn’t just come from your professional identity. It comes from what you contribute to the world and how you show up in the lives of others. It’s about feeling that your role is meaningful—and it’s about personal connection. That’s the stuff that fuels true satisfaction.

Let’s Talk About It

If any of this resonates with you—if you’re a high-achieving professional wondering whether you matter, struggling with vulnerability, or feeling disconnected from your true self—I’d love to chat. With over 20 years in clinical practice and training, I help clients like you explore these feelings, reconnect with their values, and rediscover what truly matters.

I hold a PhD in Social Psychology, an MA in Community Psychology, and an MSW, RSW. I’ve been practicing Zen Buddhism and Shiatsu since 1995 and have spent years teaching psychology and working directly with professionals to enhance well-being, emotional intelligence, and resilience.

If you’re ready to explore what it means to truly matter—and reconnect with the authentic, powerful version of yourself—let’s talk.

References

Sarason, S. B. (1974). The Psychological Sense of Community: Prospects for a Community Psychology. Jossey-Bass.

Brown, B. (2015). Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. Gotham.

Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). The “What” and “Why” of Goal Pursuits: Human Needs and the Self-Determination of Behavior. Psychological Inquiry, 11(4), 227-268.

Gilbert, P. (2009). The Compassionate Mind: A New Approach to Life's Challenges. New Harbinger Publications.