Once Upon a Time, You Believed You Could Be Anything

What if that belief didn’t have to fade with adulthood?

Once upon a time—maybe around the age of 6—you wore a cape to the grocery store and introduced yourself as a space explorer, dragon slayer, or jazz musician. You had zero marketable skills and no idea how taxes worked, and still, you believed you could be anything.

Then life intervened. Someone handed you a mirror. Not the kind that reflects your dreams, but the one that magnifies flaws. You were told to be realistic, responsible, careful. To edit yourself. Smile more. Don't be too loud. Don't want too much.

Welcome to adulthood, where big dreams go to get rebranded as “impractical,” and self-doubt shows up in a blazer at team meetings.

But here’s the thing:

That six-year-old wasn’t delusional. They just hadn’t been taught to fear their own voice yet.

The Authenticity Trap

Psychologist Carol Tavris once said, “The human mind is a spin doctor that never sleeps.” We're brilliant at justifying our choices—even the ones that shrink us. Over time, the gap between who we are and how we act becomes so wide, we forget who started the story.

This is the heart of inauthenticity: not that we lie to others, but that we’ve slowly lost the plot with ourselves.

Authenticity isn’t about letting it all hang out. It’s about alignment—between your values and your actions. It’s knowing what matters to you and choosing that, even when it’s uncomfortable. Especially when it’s uncomfortable.

Social Anxiety, Meet Self-Belief

One of the biggest culprits that steals our sense of authenticity is social anxiety—the fear that others are scrutinizing us, judging us, or silently rating our performance like an episode of Black Mirror.

But here's the twist: social anxiety isn’t really about other people. It's about what we imagine other people think of us—and how little we trust ourselves to handle it.

According to Clark & Wells’ cognitive model (1995), socially anxious people focus intensely on internal cues (e.g., racing heart, blushing) and engage in self-monitoring that actually increases anxiety. Add in low self-efficacy—the belief that we can't cope or perform well—and we end up trapped in a loop of avoidance and overthinking.

Confidence doesn’t come from being perfect in the spotlight. It comes from surviving the moment you thought you wouldn’t.

Psychologist Albert Bandura coined the term self-efficacy to describe our belief in our ability to succeed in specific situations. The more you try (and survive), the more your confidence builds. This is the foundation of mastery.

And here’s where it gets even more interesting: when we act in alignment with our values—even when it’s scary—we also create meaning. We become active authors in our own story, rather than passive characters waiting for a plot twist.

Meaning isn’t something we find. It’s something we make.

A New Chapter: Reclaiming Your Belief

What if you could revisit that once-upon-a-time belief—that you could be anything—not as fantasy, but as fuel?

What if confidence isn’t a personality trait, but a skill?

What if authenticity is a muscle you rebuild, choice by tiny choice?

And what if the most courageous thing you do this year is let yourself become who you were always meant to be?

References:

Bandura, A. (1997). Self-efficacy: The exercise of control.

Clark, D. M., & Wells, A. (1995). A cognitive model of social phobia. In R.G. Heimberg et al. (Eds.), Social Phobia: Diagnosis, Assessment, and Treatment.

Kashdan, T. B., & McKnight, P. E. (2009). Origins of purpose in life: Refining our understanding of a life well lived.

Tavris, C., & Aronson, E. (2020). Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me).

About Me

A young girl confidently dons her Wonder Woman costume, embodying strength and heroism with a spirited pose.

Dr. Meagan Yarmey, PhD, MSW, MA, RSW

I’m a Social-Personality Psychologist and Registered Social Worker with 20+ years of experience helping high-achieving professionals, creatives, and quiet overthinkers rediscover their voice and rebuild confidence from the inside out.

I use evidence-based practices—like Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), and meaning-centered therapy—to help clients reconnect with what matters and take courageous action, even when doubt lingers.